August 16, 2012


It's 8:30 at night and my house is quiet, other than the sound of the AC and the dishwasher.  Music to my ears!

While getting the kids ready for bed solo while the hubby started 3-11 shift (which I HATE, yes HATE), I realized just how much I have to tell Big Sister to be quiet.  I tell her to be quiet in the mornings because Daddy or Baby sister are sleeping.  I tell her to be quiet when we get home because Daddy or Baby Sister are sleeping.  She has to be quiet all day and then we come home and I make her be quiet.  This is a problem.

I'm keeping it real folks.  I don't even know who reads this blog, other than the ones that comment on it.  But that's my theme.

My girl has had trouble with talking this week at school.  Yeah, week 2.  Honestly? I'm not surprised, as many of you who know her, or me.  It's been a long week.

As I was thinking about her super long days of kindergarten, I realized just how awful it must be to sit in a room all day and not be able to go outside and expend some energy until almost the end of the day.  How fun is that?  She does pretty well until it gets closer and closer to recess.  Then, if you have your name on the board, you have to sit out of recess for so many minutes.  So yeah, my child who is like the Energizer bunny, may or may not have had to sit out of recess some this week.  I think that is the worst possible punishment.  Not the fact that they can't play with their friends, but the fact that she can't get out her energy.

And yes, this is my blog and my therapy.  I don't want to hear about my child being in trouble already in the 2nd week of school.  She's adjusting.  She's trying.  We will get there.

We absolutely LOVE her teacher.  I know she is doing what is best for the kids in her class.  I LOVE our school.  I love all the faculty.  I love our school district.  I just don't necessarily love this punishment.

I know it will get better.  I was the same way growing up. My mouth always got me in trouble. Even when I got older playing soccer, the only time I was ever carded was for my mouth.  Yeah, mouthing off to the horrible refs. 

But what does bother me?  I'm going to be real honest here.  Her disobedience.  Her defiance.  Her SASS.

Seriously, I want to go back to the terrible two's.  Looking back, they weren't so bad.

The fact that I have to tell her to do something 10 times sometimes is so not cool.  The way she sasses me is unacceptable.

And I don't know what the best way to fix it is.  I've taken things away.  We hardly watch TV, EVER.  If you know me, it's a big deal.  My TV has not even been on since we got home. AT ALL. Not even now when the kids are asleep. We've spanked.  We've been called MEAN more times than we can count.  I feel it's my job as a parent to BE MEAN.  How else will they learn right from wrong?  How else will they learn they can't run the household?

So please don't judge me.  My life is NOT all white picket fences.  This parenting crap is hard.  We pray every night for her and her teacher and her school.  I pray for this child all during the day. My family prays for her.

I guess I'm just stressed out about life and that doesn't help.  I never imagined school would be so rough on us all.

I'm realizing I'm trying to do too much.  I have a menu planner, a calendar of events, church functions.  I feel like I have to cook supper every night (which is a feat in and of itself), have the kids bathed and ready for bed by 8, then lunches and bags packed.  Oh yeah, and clean my house?  Or at least keep it decent.

I'm realizing that I'm trying to compare my life and my child to others.  This is a tough one.  You always want your child to be THE superstar child.  You don't ever want them to get in trouble.  You don't ever want them to get picked on.  This is not the attitude to have.  I can't compare my child to anyone else.  I can't compare my life to anyone else.  It's OURS.  Plain and simple.  God made us all unique. 

Some days I'm not sure how I function. Period.  AND I don't drink coffee.

I'm just thankful I have a Heavenly Father who knows all my thoughts.  All my fears.  All my trials.  All my heart.

Psalm 139:1-2 says, "O Lord, you have searched me and you know me.  You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar."
Psalm 139: 23-24, "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.  See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting."

This is just another bump in the road of life.  It's these bumps that you learn from.  If you don't learn anything, then the bumps aren't worth the ride.

Sorry this post is all over the place.  It's indicative of my life right now.

I always struggle with how much to share with the readers of my blog.  Since I only knew of a few people that read it, I felt like this was something I really needed to write about.  We all have problems.  If you don't, you are lying.

So thanks for reading.  It's such great therapy for me.  Now, I'm off to download Lysa Turkeurt's new book, called Unglued.  Feelings are indicators, not dictators.  I keep repeating that...

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